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Elevator Antics, Etiquette, and Awkwardness

May 18, 2007

A brief background of what I have to deal with every day. My office is located on the top floor of a corporate building so I take the elevator every day. There are a few things that I noticed that drive me nuts.

 First is the guy who watches the doors close as you walk towards the elevator. He just gives you the cold stare as the doors shut. If you run to catch it you will look like an idiot so you just act like your not already late for work and have time to wait for another one to come down. Best thing to do is stand really close the the wall where the buttons are and avoid all contact, but no this guy stares right at you, probably gets a kick out of it and makes his worthless cube life better.

The awkward conversations with “upper level people” are something that makes me consider stairs every day.Hey Bob… oh wait you don’t know my name. Still, you try to make small talk. Here is what going through Bob’s head: “Who is this kid I hope he works at my firm.” “So what are these kids into, should I talk about MySpace” “Why is this elevator so slow” “Don’t make eye contact” No matter how hard you try you eventually realize that the awkwardness is unavoidable since you have nothing in common with this person.

When you end up taking the “local” elevator. It seems the more you hurry the more of a chance  that your elevator will be full of people that go to every floor besides yours. Being, on the top floor makes the local route unbearable. On top of it its always the small lady in the back who needs to shuffle in between everyone to get out (on the second floor mind you). She pushes her way through forcing everyone to touch uncomfortably. Oh crap, did my “junk” just press up against my older female, yet still very hot, boss (power is sexy)?

Taking the elevator without paying attention whether its going up or down.We scoff at the guy who gets in the elevator trying to go up, but doesn’t realize your going down. What a fool, can’t he see the large glowing arrow. But then when it happens to you, what do you do? I pretend like thats what I meant to do… I get out with the crowd wait for everyone to get in their cars, and do a 360. Maybe it gets me to where I’m going a little late but at least I save face.

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