Archive for the ‘job’ Category

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Performance Review: Biggest waste of time EVER

May 19, 2007

So like most corporations we get a yearly Review. I did a simple math of how long this process takes and I decided that it probably wastes at least a week worth of time that one can be working (or in my case surfing the net). Besides this fact here are a couple of things that REALLY pissed me off.

 1. The statements used to rank do not make any sense. They are all loaded and do not apply to the junior staff. Here are some examples of the type of things that determine my appraisal and subsequent raise. “Is someone who works hard to make sure the best people stay with the company” “Is a leader in his respective field and acts as an authoritative figure” “Is someone who delegates and manages employees effectively” Now when your entry level/ junior staff these kind of stupid statements do not make sense but yet they are still used to evaluate you.

 2. What incentive does the company have to give you a good raise. I mean really the company wants to pay you as little as possible without you leaving. Your manager doesn’t want you to advance since your promotion or increase in pay will cut into his profits and eventually his year end bonus.

 3. Oh wow! I got 5% increase I should be really happy right? WRONG. Lets think about this the inflation rate is between 2 and 3% yearly (Current Inflation Rate ) On top of that as an experiment I had a friend apply for my position after a year of work. He was offered an increase of 7% over what I received. On top of all that, when you make so little even a 10% increase will not effect your standard of living.

 4. I spend half an hour filling my goals for next year. It was a stupid analysis based approach with even dumber “corporate speak” like outside the box. I don’t know about you but I hate going over my flaws. I know what things I do well and I know what I do poorly and I don’t need a survey to point that out. I like how they use this information to frame it as if it is you who needs to fix yourself (become a cog in their system). Why doesn’t the company think about how to best exploit your strengths and down play your weaknesses rather than try to mold every single employee into a standard that someone near the top decided is what is appropriate.

 Overall I had appraisals and I already know my flaws and feel its redundant and a waste of time. By the way my biggest flaw is that I HATE CRITISISM from people I do not respect.

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Elevator Antics, Etiquette, and Awkwardness

May 18, 2007

A brief background of what I have to deal with every day. My office is located on the top floor of a corporate building so I take the elevator every day. There are a few things that I noticed that drive me nuts.

 First is the guy who watches the doors close as you walk towards the elevator. He just gives you the cold stare as the doors shut. If you run to catch it you will look like an idiot so you just act like your not already late for work and have time to wait for another one to come down. Best thing to do is stand really close the the wall where the buttons are and avoid all contact, but no this guy stares right at you, probably gets a kick out of it and makes his worthless cube life better.

The awkward conversations with “upper level people” are something that makes me consider stairs every day.Hey Bob… oh wait you don’t know my name. Still, you try to make small talk. Here is what going through Bob’s head: “Who is this kid I hope he works at my firm.” “So what are these kids into, should I talk about MySpace” “Why is this elevator so slow” “Don’t make eye contact” No matter how hard you try you eventually realize that the awkwardness is unavoidable since you have nothing in common with this person.

When you end up taking the “local” elevator. It seems the more you hurry the more of a chance  that your elevator will be full of people that go to every floor besides yours. Being, on the top floor makes the local route unbearable. On top of it its always the small lady in the back who needs to shuffle in between everyone to get out (on the second floor mind you). She pushes her way through forcing everyone to touch uncomfortably. Oh crap, did my “junk” just press up against my older female, yet still very hot, boss (power is sexy)?

Taking the elevator without paying attention whether its going up or down.We scoff at the guy who gets in the elevator trying to go up, but doesn’t realize your going down. What a fool, can’t he see the large glowing arrow. But then when it happens to you, what do you do? I pretend like thats what I meant to do… I get out with the crowd wait for everyone to get in their cars, and do a 360. Maybe it gets me to where I’m going a little late but at least I save face.

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Job Fallacies: Next person to use these lines gets punched in the teeth

May 15, 2007

You have to start somewhere.

 Stupid saying. You can’t start as a janitor and work your way up to a principal, it’s just not going to happen. Why can’t you start with a job that respects you and utilizes all your assets. Oh your bi lingual, well we don’t care even though we have accounts that require your native tongue. This leads me to the next stupid ass fallacy.

 You have to pay your dues.

Last time I checked I did not own my employer anything.  It’s a simple transaction. I do a job and you pay me. You did not pay for my schooling so I do not understand how I owe you something. If you did pay me for my schooling (grad school) you probably have somewhere in your contract that I have to stay for 2 years after completion. During this time you will pay me under the market value and basically extract more value than you put into my education. Paying your dues is “real” world hazing. Next stupid fallacy.

You work here and they will take care of you.

Enron.  Need I say more, okay I will. You will get fired/lay-ed off first chance this company has to save some money. You think your skill is something no one else can master… outsourcing bitches.  Working hard is for suckers, working smart is for people who want to get ahead.

These are the few that I keep hearing there are plenty more out there, so if you can think of any please feel free to jot them down so I can destroy them.  

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My Job Sucks

May 7, 2007

Another day in the cube.  I have decided that the corporate world blows. I went to college for four years to do the “bitch” work that no one else wants to. I feel like a donkey with a carrot being waived infront of my face. By the carrot I mean a raise/bonus. My company acts like I owe it something for hiring me, as if they are doing me a favor. Last time I checked I am making them money. And by my calculations I am making them more money than they are paying me, or else why would they hire me?

 Loyalty is dead in the corporate world. I know my company will fire/ outsource/ layoff and pass up on promotions in a heartbeat. Why should I have any more loyalty to them than they do to me. As I sit here in my cube I see the brave people leave. They are all dropping like flies to pursue dreams, education, and the american dream. I sit here starring at numbers whose meanings are lost in the monotony of what I am doing. Everyone around me acts as if these numbers are sacred. What do they really mean. What are they used for. To push another product to consumers who do not need them. I am helping create demand, not help humanity.  Love, companionship, self fullfillment are all things that consumerism cannot produce. Only illusions of these things in forms of shiny cars or “career aspirations.”

As much as I hate my job I imagine that other generations had it worse. Every half hour I have an escape in the form of the internet. A little web surfing learning something new or saying hi to a friend makes all the difference and makes you feel like a person not a cog in the system. Today I learned that there is a species of duck that have spiral shaped penii that can grow as long as the duck and then fall off and regrow again. Oh oh, I hear footsteps ALT + TAB and we are back to the spreadsheet. I know that I can simply create a formula and get this task done in 2 minutes. However, if I did that then I won’t have any work and people will scurry through there stacks of paper and give you something even worse than this.

I better manually copy and paste each cell to ensure that I will finish right at 5. It’s funny how I used to leave at 5:00, then 5:15, then 5:30, and now 6:00 seems the norm. I just want to know that there are other people out there who share this pain.